Tuesday, January 13, 2009

believe that i can change

I miss sitting in Ben & Jerry's, listening to the radio, waiting for you to get off work. I miss squinting my eyes and looking up at you, just to make you laugh. That face. That face that you loved. What happened? I know what happened, but it's really hard for me to accept it. I just wish you felt like you could be honest with me. I can handle the truth. Why does no one ever believe me?

This doesn't seem right, this doesn't seem right.
But it doesn't feel WRONG. Why not? It should...shouldn't it?

It's weird to think that I had finally found someone who made me happy. And it slipped out of my grasp, and he's making someone else happy now, I'm sure. It just sucks. I don't know how to move on. That is my biggest lesson in need of learning. How to move on. I have always "moved on" by finding someone new. But that isn't healthy! Because it is a never ending cycle of falling and getting hurt.

On another note, as happy as I am for Bobbi, I hardly ever get to see her anymore. When I do see her, it's always the three of us. We don't ever get alone time anymore. And I like alone time with Bobbi. I mean, she's my best friend. Of course I need to have some alone time with her, to update her on my life and shit. I don't know...I just hate being the third wheel. Don't mean to complain, but there I go again. Complaining.

All I find myself wanting to do lately is sleep my problems away. I'd rather dream about my problems than actually have to deal with them while I'm awake. When I am awake, all I wanna do is run away. Get away from this place and find peace within myself. Because I'm truly unhappy. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to do about any of it.

No comments: