Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I am here. I will always be here. I love you.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I hope you're still kissing me in your mind, like you said you were last night. I'm still kissing you in mine.
"Tomorrow I'll miss you, remember I'll always be true"
Friday, March 27, 2009
For some reason, when I go to bed normally, the area around my wisdom tooth and the actual tooth itself, hurt really badly in the morning. Like I was chewing on my cheek or grinding my teeth during the night, and that's why. But when I go to bed high, like last night, my teeth didn't hurt in the morning. Wtf? Maybe I'm just paranoid and it really has nothing to do with being high. But maybe it does, and I figured out something awesome! Hahaha. I don't know.
Working today and then tonight I am seeing Little Shop of Horrors with Avalon. Then tomorrow I am cleaning my bathroom and bedroom all day long and then going on a date :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I really like hanging out with you, and I hope we become better friends. But I feel like you don't trust me and so you don't really tell me very much about you or your life. I don't know. Maybe it's because we haven't really hung out that many times yet, but maybe you really don't trust me. I want you to know, though, that I am one of the most nonjudgmental and trustworthy people you will ever meet. I know it's hard to believe that right off the bat, but I hope you will learn it and believe it soon. You're just one of those people that I feel really comfortable around. Someone with whom I can be myself. You know?
M.J. is the love of my life. Seriously.
I cannot wait to have my license and a car. Life is going to be so free, even though I have so much work to do this summer and will probably have hardly any free time. Having a car is freedom enough.
Life is pretty decent right now. I am quite satisfied.
Maybe that's just the wings.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Today has been such a relaxing day. It really sucks that Sierra and Tiffany aren't in Daryl and I's class anymore. But even so, this has been a pretty nice Monday. Which is odd, because Mondays are known to be awful. Especially after a good weekend. Hm.
I can't wait for Spring! Five more days! I love my new dress. The office ladies complimented me on it. They are so kind to meee.
Friday, March 13, 2009
go on and keep giving up my nights just to deal with this shit.
I love you to death but it's obvious where your love lies.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
It seems I have more soul-searching to do this month. Alrighty!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
That's all I really wanted to say for now. I am really tired, so I'm headed off to my sweet, sweet bed. Mmmmm, sleep.
Monday, March 9, 2009
The partying lifestyle is great every once in a while, but I need to focus on the important stuff right now. I can't risk my future anymore. I have too many goals that I want to accomplish.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Shopping with Serina, getting my eyebrows waxed, not sure what I'm doing after that, and then hanging out with Grayson for a few hours while the adults play Texas Hold 'Em.
Drunken Apples to Apples is the best fucking game ever. Girls night was so much fun :) I love my friends a whole lot.
I missed my bed, I missed my friends, and mostly I just missed Simi.
I am always complaining about how much it sucks here, and how I can't wait to get away, but I am so afraid to leave. It's comfortable and I know my way around. It's all I know. It's home.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
R.I.P. Ant. You were a cool guy.
I like you. I thought you liked me. I guess we'll see what happens. You're a great guy, but you confuse me to no end. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It feels like a bad one, but I could be wrong.
I'm wrong quite often.
What is love, anyway?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Pizzatopia, wearing your coat, Mud Man's house, Denjin arcade, when you first put your arm around me, falling asleep next to you, free ice cream, making that face at you, your laugh, your smile, the way you rocked out to your music in your car, listening to Circa Survive and just holding each other, keeping you out way past curfew, when you mouthed the words along with the song "Ecstasy" and sang it to me.
"You really are my ecstasy,
My real life fantasy"
How are those feelings mutual for a month,
and then just disappear for you and not me?
That isn't fair.
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
Leave me alone.
I want to be done.
But I am who I am.
"At the bottom of the pile
buried, and missing a cover
there is a book.
It isn’t a popular book
and the author’s name
you’d never know.
But it is truly a work of art
written just for you.
Inside, somewhere near the middle pages,
there is a sentence
that best describes your life
and answers all the questions you’ve ever had.
you’ll never read it
because it is getting late
and you have work in the morning
and you are already thinking about
how to beat traffic."
Sunday, March 1, 2009
1. I have so many great memories, but the feelings attached to them are some of the worst feelings I've ever felt. It is impossible not to be reminded of you. The littlest things spark a thought in my mind, an old memory, one good day among many amazing ones. All I can think about anymore is how much I wish I could go back, and how I will never be able to. Things leave, people leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody. I will never forget you, but I need to forever let you go. I am trying with every inch of strength I have, but it's hard. One of the toughest things I've ever tried to do, and had to do.
2. I was so unsure of everything earlier today, and seeing you just now cleared so many of my cloudy thoughts from the sky that is my mind. Maybe I still don't know exactly what I want, but I at least know this.....you are amazing. Don't ever forget that, babe.
3. You are a truly great guy. I may not know you as well as your family and friends do, but I can see it in you. You are an all around great person. I adore you, I really do.....but the thing is, there are too many cons with our situation. And you deserve a talented, beautiful (on the inside and out), kind virgin. It's the truth.
4. I know that you originally didn't really want me to go today, but I hope we are friends. We are in my opinion, but I don't know about yours.
5. I wish you didn't like me so much. You're a great friend to me, but you don't deserve the pain that you already know is going to come. You will make some girl very happy one day.
P.S. Epiphany! The day you can say you have moved on, is the day you realize the reason behind something bad that happened to you. I hope whoever reads that understands it.