me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood

I don't even know who to trust anymore. Finding out that people who I really thought were my friends were talking shit about me right next to you...it gives me the worst feeling. I am sick of people sitting there, telling me they care, and then fucking me over. I think I trick my mind into thinking that I'm happy, like when I'm with my friends. Then every time I get home, I sit here and get extremely lonely and depressed. I am so unmotivated and lazy and sick of peoples' bullshit. I don't want to put up with it anymore. Why am I so tolerant of these people? Why do I let them pull this shit continually? Why can't I say no? Why can't I stop it all? I want time to freeze so I don't have to deal anymore. I want eternal happiness. I want love. I want too many things. I'm sick of lying and I'm sick of not being able to show my true self around my friends, just because their friends think I'm annoying. Get over it. If you're gonna say that shit, say it to my fucking face. Or at least over a message or text or SOMETHING. Instead of fucking talking shit behind my back and then pretending we're chill when we're all hanging out. That is what pisses me off to no end. People are so fucking fake and it sickens me. Ugghhh.


Nobody even cares anymore. That's honestly what I think and how I feel.