Wednesday, October 22, 2008

don't even worry, you are never alone in this.

so more about what i was talking about earlier...

my biggest insecurity is that i feel like no one wants me. and i never feel like i'm good enough for anyone. i could get more into it but i don't feel like moping about it right now.

today, sarah assumed i was failing french. FRENCH. my best subject, by far. and sure she shrugged it off like she was joking, as usual with her, but i know her all too well and i assure you that she was not joking with me. i'm just so sick of coming home and getting nagged by my parents about school, and i really don't need it while i'm there, too!

i can't wait to switch to the hs@mc. i need to get out of this stupid town more often, and that will definitely help.

basically, my parents thinking so lowly of me makes me wanna continue doing poorly because i want them to believe in me and let me do things on my own. if they didn't nag me all the time, i think it might actually set in that i need to get my shit together or else....but with them nagging me so much, i feel like nobody believes in me anymore and so i don't feel good enough.

and i don't feel like anyone wants me because i'm so used to being the annoying girl who gets attached easily. i'm annoying because i act like a little kid. i act like a little kid because my parents treat me like one. so you can see, all my problems come back to my parents.



P.S. i hate when parents say "i didn't raise you that way." YOU DON'T TURN OUT HOW YOU PARENTS RAISE YOU TO BE. i mean sure that might have some influence on who you become later in life, but not nearly as much as school, your friends, the media, and sometimes drugs/alcohol influence who you come to be. i still don't know who i am or where i belong yet, but i'm finding my way. what more could i ask for? besides someone i can love. but even so, love and self-discovery are two things i'm willing to wait for.

2 comments:

Tiffany said...

i bewieeeve in you fwiend.
and i also think that the hs@mc will be very good for you.
trust me, it leaves all the stupid simi shit behind.

janaerhianna said...

i love you, tiffy.
really?
and i sure hope so.
i twust youuuu