Thursday, April 9, 2009

we have no conscience

It doesn't feel right to call anyone. I never feel like anyone is there for me anymore. And even if they say they are, they don't really listen. Or if they do, they are just thinking to themselves that my problems are nothing in comparison to theirs'.

I want to run away and grow up and live in an apartment all alone. Alone and afraid, of everything and nothing. I won't even have a pet to keep me company, because I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to take good enough care of it, since I obviously don't even know how to take care of myself.

Can I be honest? I don't want to be your friend anymore.
Can I be honest? That fear of commitment is hitting me again, and taking up all the space in my head. It is the only thing I can think about. Run, run, just run away. It's what you know best, Janae.
Can I be honest? I feel like I am too different to fit in with anyone. Even when I feel like someone understands, I am proven wrong yet again. No one understands me. I wonder if anyone ever will.

Now is one of those times where, in a heartbeat, I would go back in time if I could. I would change everything. I don't like being lost anymore. I'm so lost that I don't know where I belong.

3 comments:

Tiffany said...

then don't be.

janaerhianna said...

don't assume things.

Tiffany said...

look, it's pretty obvious. you've told it to me yourself. you aren't denying it. it is an obviously made assumption.
so don't stay friends with me just because we have history. don't stay friends with me just because i have a car. don't stay friends with me because we go to school together.
you obviously don't want to be friends with me. so don't be. it's fine. really.