Sunday, February 22, 2009

who will be the one to save me from myself?

I remember when it was "You're not experienced enough." Now it's "You're too experienced." Where did the days go? Days turn into nights, and nights turn into days. They all seem to blend together. I'm never good enough. I'm never pretty enough, I'm never smart enough, I'm never outgoing enough. I'm too weird, I'm too annoying, I'm too me. I'm sick of being pushed around and stepped on and I hate when people tiptoe around my feelings and are extremely obvious about it. I hate when I have no one to cuddle with, and when guys tell me they like me and then go hook up with other girls. I mean, I guess I do the same thing and it's kinda fucked up but it should be like common courtesy. I think the only reason I even do it is because guys do the same shit to me and I already know it's gonna come eventually so why not screw it up before it even gets started. But where is the logic in that? My mind works in the fucking craziest ways and I can't even explain it. I just wish someone understood. I wish someone was honestly there for me. Everyone always says they are and they act like they are showing it but they really aren't. I know when someone truly cares and is truly there for me. And to be frank, it sure doesn't feel like anyone is really there. I'm alone. Sitting in a dark corner with my hands neatly folded in my lap and no one to talk to. My voice is gone. I can't talk, even if I wanted to. It's like I was never even taught to speak. It is so aggravating and frustrating and every emotion imaginable. But most of all, it is lonely. It is really lonely sitting in this dark corner. All alone. By myself. Like always.

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