what i am thankful for...

My family is truly the most important thing in the world to me. They know how to make me laugh, and deep down I know they only want the best for me. We have our ups and downs, like all families, but they are the reason I am still breathing. I don't know what I would do without them. This was the best Turkey Day of my life. And I'm really glad Tiffany got to share it with me.

and my daddy said, "stay away from juliet"

A few minutes ago, I sent a text to one of my friends and realized how depressed I am inside. But I try and hide it from everyone, including myself. Why? "I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Everyone is so fake and I'm sick of it. I knew what I wanted and I lost it and now I've lost my heart." I've lost my heart, my mind, and my soul. I'm nothing like I used to be and it kills me knowing that so many people still think so poorly of me. I know it's my own fault, but it honestly just sucks and I don't know what to do about it. I have changed, and no one can see it nor do they believe me. Honestly, I am the only one who can see just how much I've changed. Do you want to know the main thoughts that have been filling my head all day? People are pathetic pieces of shit who start false rumors out of pure boredom, the only person you can completely trust is yourself, and it is sad that so many people believe whatever they hear, no matter how good of friends you are with them or not. This is the worst time of year to be upset. My parents' divorce isn't even affecting me at all. Everyone keeps saying "I'm sorry to hear that" and "How are you taking it?" and I'm just like, whatever. That's how I feel about it....it's whatever. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't make me sad. I don't even care. The weird thing is, I wish I did care. I don't even know who I am anymore. Lately I've been telling everyone how great I am, and it's true that I have my happy moments and I'm happy for a period of time and when I'm around people, but then I get home and I'm alone in my room and my true feelings and thoughts pour out of my head and onto this stupid, stupid blog. That probably no one reads and I know no one really cares about. And I'm not saying that so you say "I care" because even if you do, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I've been hurt too many times to care about finding my own happiness. I've given up. I wish there was someone I could relate to, someone who could always be there for me, someone who understands, someone who cares, and mostly, someone that can help me find myself again. But I don't know if I will ever find that person.

pour some sugar on me

It's very relaxing to know that boys are finally becoming interested in me. But at the same time it's really weird, because I'm not used to it. I had a really good today and my mom made tacos for dinner. I am going to go watch one of my shows soon and then shower and go to bed, so I can wake up on time. Then I won't be late to English and Shane, Jacob, and I can draw animals together. Fun! This is going to be an amazing break. I get my phone service back tomorrow night. Sweeeeet.

my heart keeps leaping back to you

Basically, this next weekend is going to be amazing. Tomorrow, I am getting out of school early to sit in Tiffany's classes and "observe." Tuesday, it is Taco Tuesday. And it's the first day of the long weekend. Five days off, woohoo! Then I don't know what I'll be doing on Wednesday, but Tiffany is joining my family and me for Thanksgiving. Which will be awesome. Keeping the tradition going, you best believe it! The rest of the weekend I don't know what's gonna happen but I'm sure it'll be good because I have fantastic friends. I'm really gonna miss Bobbi while she's in Yosemite though. Oh well, I can't do anything about it.

welcome to my life

To be completely honest, I want a boyfriend. Really really really really badly. But I am so used to not having one, and not getting any of the people that I want, that I expect NOT to get one. For a very long time. Even when boys say they like me, they pretty much never ask me out. I want to start going out on dates. Why doesn't anyone do it that way anymore? Where's my dreamboy? Hahaha. I want an adventure. I want something real for once.

calling this home when it's not even close

I realized last night when I was laying in my bed, that I'm a really caring friend. And I am ever so proud of that. I have come so far in only a matter of months, and yes I still have a long way to go, but I know I can make it.

I'm going to be late again. Because Ryan's dad had to borrow his car today, and so he can't pick me up. But he is probably going to pick me up tomorrow and then we'll go to school together. Hoorah!

Catch ya later!

it's a love story, baby just say yes

Today, I almost got a ticket for jaywalking. Good thing I got on the bus before the cop got to me. I hope no one else got tickets! But I'm pretty sure at least David did. That sucks! Blah. I still have to do the dishes. But honestly, I am way too hungry right now. I think I might make the second half of the mac & cheese. Yummy! On another note, this drama is bullshit. Yelling "Slut!" to me after school is uncalled for. If shit like that keeps happening, I'm going to confront someone about it. And if it continues after that, I just might blow up.

One thing I learned today...just because someone isn't talking to you as much, doesn't mean they've forgotten about you. Maybe they've just been really busy. Keep your head up! I know I'm trying to.