why should i care?

I refuse to act like I care, because even when I actually do, it doesn't matter. No one else cares that I care. And caring doesn't change anything, anyway.

i'll keep you my dirty little secret

My mom let me out last night even though I'm sick, but I am honestly really glad. I had such a nice time last night, going to the football game high with Tiffany and Avalon and then just hanging out with Cameron, Matt, and Serina. And I got really high. Again. I've been doing that a lot lately. But anyway, life is very thrilling and I love my friends!

Tiffany told me that I don't need to take Geometry at the hs@mc and I already know I didn't have to take a second year of Bio but now I know that I don't need Chem either and I am so excited to switch schools and this is a run-on sentence. Mr.Kohlmeier would be disappointed in me.

Wake and bake with Serina, woohoo!

it's something unpredictable

but in the end is right

I'm still not really reacting in any specific way to the whole divorce issue. I wonder what my mom thinks of that. As far as the love life goes, I have a few possible prospects to like but for now I'm not sticking to one guy. Whenever I do that, it seems to get me into trouble. I have been sick for the past couple of days, and it really sucks. The Royal vs. Simi football game is tonight, and I am desperately wanting to go. Tiffany really wants me to go, too. So when my mom gets back from lunch, I'm gonna try and convince her to let me out even though I'm sick. I mean, honestly, I haven't been to any of the football games this season. I went to more last year, when I didn't even go to Simi! And now that I go there, I haven't been going to the games. I find that ironic. Anyway, that's what's going on in my head right now.


Question of the Day:
When did people stop being sincere?

when everything seems like nothing

Everything seems like nothing is going to change. But when the change comes, life is going to be so different for me. I don't know what it's gonna be like without my dad here. I'm nervous.

why do you put me on a pedastal?

i'm so up high that i can't see the ground below.


In all honesty, I'm scared. My parents are getting divorced and I don't know what to think of it. I just want my parents to be happy, and they know that. But it isn't really affecting me. I don't know when it will set in, if it ever will. I'm scared that it is going to affect me more than I want it to, and at the worst possible time.
On top of that, I don't want to get hurt again. I mean, I'm used to it so it won't be that big of deal if it does happen, but it really sucks. I'm always the one scaring people away and getting my heart stepped on. All I really want is someone to talk to, cuddle with, kiss, and have fun with. Is that a boyfriend? I'm not sure. I'm trying to go with the flow for once and it's working. But I'm still afraid of what may or may not happen. I can't help it. It's how I am. I'm a worry-wart. Grrrr.

But I really should get going. I'm late, yet again.

i guess it was never meant to be,

but it's just something we have no control over,
and that's what destiny is
but no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
maybe one day we'll wake up and this'll all just be a dream



I'm having good thoughts and feelings right now. I'm comfortable and excited and anxious and I have no idea what is going to happen next in my life. It is so full of surprises and delight lately! I am excited to daydream in class today and not pay any attention. It is just one of those days. Off to school!

i'm just scared of what you think,

you make me nervous so i really can't eat


This week has been quite interesting and sort of eventful. I'm not really going to explain all of it in full detail just because that would be a really boring blog, even though my week has been pretty good and fun. Reading about it would be lame, you don't even know. I'm confusing you, aren't I?
Well anyway, today as I got off the bus to walk the rest of the way to my house, it smelt like one of those warm winter days, where Christmas is nearing and you can smell the pine from miles away. I suddenly found myself feeling really comfortable with where I was. Though I'm still not sure if I've found exactly where I "belong" or where I want to be, I am comfortable. I'm in a good place right now. The love life is complicated but I'm trying really hard to just go with the flow for once. And I think it's working pretty well for me!
Figured I'd write a blog though, since I haven't written one in a while.